why didn't you poke me back
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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