Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize