I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
