dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i out mim tonsoeep
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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