can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
