Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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