I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
