i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
