the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
