We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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