So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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