I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
