pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
