I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
