So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
