everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
