I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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