I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
