is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
