Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
