Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize