not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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