I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
