just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
