20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
