i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize