honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
