i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
