Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
