I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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