So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I could fuck to npr.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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