Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize