WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
