shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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