We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize