Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize