I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
