i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
