just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
