You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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