he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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