Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
