ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
