i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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