using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize