Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
