You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
