last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
