Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
