I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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