my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
