I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
