I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
