Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
