he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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