it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize