Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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