I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
