no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize