Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
