I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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