I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
