i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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