We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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