My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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