Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
