Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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