Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
