he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't deserve a penis
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
