im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
