The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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