Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
