i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
