at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
