I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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