In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
