I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I checked into jail on foursquare
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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