Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
