It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize