the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
