from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
