I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
