I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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