I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
