The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
