You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
