dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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