Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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