He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
