I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
