so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
