you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
