note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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