I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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