I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His nipple licking is glorious
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