Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
