If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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