I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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