Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
