who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
