so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
