OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
