High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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