have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
