We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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